SONGS FROM
THE ZEN ROOM

By Arthur "EMonk" Levesque

E-MAIL: emonk@boog.org
WWW: http://boog.org -- http://DammitJa.net
Guestbook: Read -- Sign

OTHER LINKS:

  • Edit your Plush Pass here!
  • An HTML Color Chart and Tutorial
  • The Zen Room Photo Album
  • Other Zen Room Stuff
  • TABLE OF CONTENTS:

  • ADDICTED TO ZEN (by EMonk and Fred)
  • AMBER GHUR'S IN PARADISE
  • AMY THE BI BI GODDESS
  • AMY THE BI-GODDESS (by WeirdWolf)
  • ASTREUA'S SERVANTS
  • BALLAD OF THE POTHEAD'S MUNCHIES
  • BARRY'S P*NIS (IN A BOTTLE)
  • BE MY BABY BRIER
  • BLOSM
  • THE BOB SHOW
  • BYE BYE CUTIE PI
  • CARRIE THE GRINCH
  • CHEER UP, LITTLE FOO FOO
  • CHRYSSY KITTEN
  • COMA GIRL
  • CULT OF JESTER'S VANITY (by Jester)
  • CYN IS A SICK F*CK
  • DAISY CHAIN LAMENT
  • DANCING WITH MY NELL
  • DARLING SCHNIKKI
  • DARRIEVER, WAYWARD CAT
  • DARRIE KITTY
  • DO ALSATIAN
  • EMMA BLUE
  • EMONK (by Darriever)
  • EMONK THEME
  • (EVERYBODY'S) IRKING LARRY VIEZEL
  • EXTONEDDIE'S LITTLE PLAID KILT (by EMonk and A Groupie)
  • FOXY MOXY (by Moxy and EMonk)
  • FRANKIE'S GIRL
  • FREDDY
  • FRED WAS COMPLETELY CRAZY (by Wyrdness and EMonk)
  • GO QUAD PRINCESS (by QuadPrincess and EMonk)
  • (GOIN' TO THE) ZEN ROOM (by Geavis)
  • HORNY LIKE WEIRDWOLF
  • I'M A TRANNIE (by Frankette)
  • IN YOUR FACE WITH A CASE (OF WHOOP ASS)
  • IT'S CURRY WE LOVE
  • JESTER, JESTER
  • JESTER'S SONG
  • KRISSY THE SPIDER KILLER
  • LIL BUNNI FOO
  • LILITH (by Wyrdness and EMonk)
  • LILY THE AIRHEAD'S SONG
  • LILY ST. CYR
  • LITTLE BUNNI FOO FOO
  • LOLO
  • LOVE MY CHRYSSY
  • LOVE THEME FOR THE ROYAL WEDDING
  • MAGENTA4711TNP WANTS TO SQUEEZE YO NIPPLE
  • MY DEMONA
  • NATIONS THE VAMPIRE
  • NICO CRUSH
  • PENIS WAR BALLAD
  • PETE (by Petey26)
  • PLUSH
  • PURPLE BUNNY
  • QUAD PRINCESS
  • QUAD PRINCESS II
  • RAGGED ROBIN
  • RAGS DOLL
  • RATT'S ODE TO BALD MEN
  • SMACKDOWN HOTEL
  • SICK BITCHES
  • SMOKIN' IN THE ZEN ROOM
  • SQUIDDY BLACK DRESS
  • STARWOMAN (by Gordon Bondoreff)
  • STOP DRAGONPUNK
  • THEDOTS' CHEESY DELI
  • TIMCHET'S BUTT
  • TIP-TOE, OH MY 2LIPS
  • THE TRANNIE IS A VAMP (by C'lumby)
  • TWINKIE GIRL
  • WE'RE NOT GOING TA VEGAS
  • WEIRDWOLF (by WeirdWolf)
  • ZEN ROOM MARRIAGE
  • ZORNA'S LAP (by Darriever)
  • NOTICE:

    Because some users were unable to access this page (due to "parental block" censorship programs installed in their browsers), I have made modifications to the text on this page to overcome the problem. After all, some of the people who couldn't see this page were people who are mentioned on this page; which is hardly fair! :)

    DARLING SCHNIKKI

    (To the tune of "Darling Nikki" by Prince)

    I knew a girl named Schnikki
    I guess you could say she was a
    S*E*X fiend
    I met her down in Cosmo's chatrooms
    Mast*rbating to an on-line 'zine
    She said, "How'd you like to see the hype"
    And I could not resist when I saw little Schnikki type
    She took me to the Zen Room
    I just couldn't believe my eyes
    She had some real plush links
    Everything under CGI
    She said, "Type your name in the input box"
    My screen went blank, and Schnikki started to rock
    The chat room started spinning or maybe it was my Mac
    I can't tell you what she did to me
    But she nearly broke my poor old back!
    Oh Schnikki, I saved you in my bookmarks
    but you shouldn't have...
    AAAIIIEEE!! Oh, Schnikki...

    Logged on the next morning
    Schnikki wasn't there
    I searched for her through Yahoo
    All I found was a note on the stairs
    It said, "Thank you for a funky time
    Come in the stairwell whenever you want to grind..."

    LOVE THEME FOR THE ROYAL WEDDING
    OF PRINCE ZOLA AND PRINCESS SCHNIKKI

    (To the tune of "Copa Cabana" by Barry Manilow)

    His name is Zola, drinks diet cola
    With all his letters colored green
    he sits, types, and stares at the screen
    And when boredom looms, he visits chat rooms
    And though he's surfed around the world
    He couldn't find himself a girl
    He begs and whines and brags
    Even tried to snog Rags
    He has his job and his computer, but he still wanted more

    At the Zen Room, Cosmo's Fac Zen Room
    A funnier smell than EMonk's men's room
    At the Zen Room, Cosmo's Fac Zen Room
    Rocky and liquors and fishnets and knickers in the Zen Room...

    Her name was was Schnikki, she was no sickie
    She felt misery and gloom
    She sought solace in the room
    And when she cheered up, she noticed Zola
    No one is sure what happened next, ICQ or cyber
    S*E*X
    And she said "I love you" in her letters of blue
    They had parties and now a wedding and they invited YOU!

    To the Zen Room, Cosmo's Fac Zen Room
    A funnier smell than EMonk's men's room
    At the Zen Room, Cosmo's Fac Zen Room
    Rocky and liquors and fishnets and knickers in the Zen Room...

    TWINKIE GIRL

    (To the tune of "Barbie Girl" by Aqua)

    I'm a twinkie girl, in a twinkie world
    Creamy filling, it's so thrilling
    Give my wrapper a tear, and eat me anywhere
    Carbohydrates, monosodium glutamates
    (Come on Twinkie, let's get kinky)
    Ah ah ah yeah...

    BALLAD OF THE POTHEAD'S MUNCHIES

    (To the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star [traditional])

    Twinkie, twinkie, little star
    I keep a case behind the bar
    Your cream and yellow pastry loaned
    Strength to me when I was stoned
    Twinkie, twinkie, little star
    I'm more
    f*cked up then you are

    LILY THE AIRHEAD'S SONG

    (To the tune of "Fishheads" by Barnes & Barnes)

    Airheads, airheads, silly-Lily airheads...
    Airheads, airheads, eat them up, yum!
    I took an airhead out to see the Zen Room
    Didn't have to pay to get her in...
    Airheads, airheads, silly-Lily airheads...
    Airheads, airheads, eat them up, yum!
    Ask an airhead anything you want to
    She won't answer, she's so blonde...

    DAISY CHAIN LAMENT

    (To the tune of "Ball and Chain" by Social Distortion)

    Went away, went away
    She's away, this Daisy Chain
    I'm lonely, Zen Room's empty
    And I know that Sue's to blame
    Went away, went away
    When will she come back again?
    Went away, went away
    She's away, this Daisy Chain

    DARRIEVER, WAYWARD CAT

    (To the tune of "Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas)

    Darriever my wayward cat
    Don't you think that you're all that...
    Lay down here upon my lap
    Don't you mew no more...

    RAGGED ROBIN

    (To the tune of "Rockin' Robin" by J. Thomas)

    She sat in the chat room all day long
    Typin' and a-gripin' and a-singin' her song
    All the other weirdos in the Zen Room zoo
    Love to hear the Robin goin' "pika pikachu"

    Ragged Robin (tweet tweet tweet)...
    Ragged Robin (tweet tweet tweet)...
    Oh Ragged Robin well you're really gettin' raggy tonight!

    FOXY MOXY

    Written by Moxy and EMonk
    (To the tune of "Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison)

    Foxy Moxy
    Sells it on the street
    Foxy Moxy
    The kind you shouldn't meet
    Foxy Moxy
    I don't believe you're telling the truth
    No one could be that damned uncouth

    Foxy Moxy
    That's my hard-on there
    Foxy moxy
    I couldn't help but stare
    Foxy Moxy
    That you look skanky as can be
    Will you
    f*ck me just for free?

    Merci!

    EMONK THEME

    (To the tune of the "Monkees" theme song)

    Hey hey I'm the EMonk
    People say I EMonk around
    I'm not too busy chatting
    To put ev'rybody down...

    I'm not trying to be crazy
    I come here just to snog and chat
    I guess I'm pretty lazy
    Screw you if you don't like that

    Hey hey I'm the EMonk
    You never know what I will sing
    So, you'd better get ready
    I could be saying anything!!

    PLUSH

    (To the tune of "Lump" by The Presidents of the United States)

    Plush sat alone next to my handle
    It's yellow and it's shiny like a tiny candle
    Why is it a flower and not a cricket
    It's just waiting there so go ahead and click it
    It's plush, it's plush, it's plush
    It's on my screen...
    It's plush, it's plush, it's plush
    I want it green...

    MAGENTA4711TNP WANTS TO SQUEEZE YO NIPPLE

    (To the tune of "Please Please Me" by Lennon/McCartney)

    Last night I tried to grab your nipple
    I thought I was Mister Whipple
    C'mon... Please squeeze me, oh yeah, and I'll squeeze you

    You won't have to worry 'bout my nipple
    Sometimes EMonk squeezes it triple
    C'mon... Please squeeze me, oh yeah, and I'll squeeze you

    I don't wanna start demandin'
    But I wanna feel your hand on my chest (on my chest)
    I do all the squeezin' with you, it's so hard to reason
    With you, oh yeah, don't make me black and blue

    Last night I tried to grab your nipple
    And coat it with choc'late ripple
    C'mon... Please squeeze me, oh yeah, and I'll squeeze you

    CYN IS A SICK F*CK

    (To the tune of "Janie's Got A Gun" by Aerosmith)

    Cyn is a sick f*ck
    Cyn is a sick f*ck
    Zen Room's outta luck
    She's watchin' John Waters' muck
    What did that Divine do?
    How did he eat dog poo?
    They said while normals all played Bingo
    She was watching "Pink Flamingos"
    But society is to blame
    Now that Cyn is a sick f*ck she ain't never gonna be the same

    Cyn is a sick f*ck
    Cyn is a sick f*ck
    Her head has come unstuck
    Now everybody has got to duck
    Tell me that she's insane
    What happened to her brain?
    She grabbed her little bitty baby
    And took her to see a floorshow
    They say she started acting cocky
    Taught her daughter to play Rocky
    Everyone was afraid to say "No"...

    Run away, run away from the freak
    Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    Run away, run away from the freak
    Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    Run away, run away, run, run away

    ZORNA'S LAP

    Written by Darriever
    (To the tune of "Brian Wilson" by the Barenaked Ladies)

    Stopped in the Zen Room, sometime on a Thursday night
    Just to check out the late night visitors
    Met a great guy, a super guy with a comfy lap
    He got me purring and I couldn't stop
    I laid there and talked to him
    Learned a bit about him
    And he learned about me
    I'd say right away we hit it off
    He gave me some cookies, catnip cookies, and catnip tea
    We dined together, and he made me feel ... special
    And right now I'm...

    Taking a nap, on my lovely Zorna's lap
    Well I'm taking a nap on my Zorna's lap

    So I'm lying here, just staring up at my secret love
    And I'm thinking about how great he is
    Just listening and relistening to his sweet words
    And I'm wondering if this is some kind of dream or reality
    And I'm...

    Taking a nap, on my lovely Zorna's lap
    Well I'm taking a nap on my Zorna's lap

    And if you wanna find me, I'll be here on Zorna's lap
    Content or sniffling over my day
    I know Zorna will listen, and make it ok
    I'm happier with every gentle pat

    WE'RE NOT GOING TA VEGAS

    (To the tune of "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister)

    We're not going ta Vegas
    No, We ain't going ta Vegas
    We're not going ta Vegas, for the con...

    We can't hang with you boozers
    We ain't no
    f*cking losers
    We have no dough, so we can't go
    We'll stay in the Zen Room, just
    Don't tell us that we suck, cuz
    We'll stay logged on, at our own con

    We're not going ta Vegas
    No, We ain't going ta Vegas
    We're not going ta Vegas, for the con...

    EMMA BLUE

    (To the tune of "Tangled Up In Blue" by Bob Dylan)

    Early one morning and I was gigglin'
    We was layin' in bed
    Tickling Elmo tickling me
    My blue fur rubs his red
    And then I had to get up and leave him
    He never said a word
    I never did trust his color of rust
    Snuck back, caught him sleeping with Big Bird
    And I was standing staring in the window
    No sunny day for you!
    Air is sweet walking down the street
    Brought by the number two
    What do I do?
    Muppet Emma Blue

    THEDOTS' CHEESY DELI

    (To the tune of "Copa Cabana" by Barry Manilow)

    Her name was Lola, loved Gorgonzola
    She would eat it anywhere, she sprayed Cheez Whiz in her hair
    She prayed to Buddha while eating Gouda
    But though her boyfriend tried to please, all she wanted was her cheese
    She loved Swiss and Cheddar, Havarti was better
    She got her calcium and protein, really filled out a sweater!

    At the Deli, Dots' Cheesy Deli
    No limburger there, it's too smelly
    At the Deli, Dots' Cheesy Deli
    Cubes from the dairy always made her merry at the deli...

    BYE BYE CUTIE PI

    (To the tune of "American Pie" by Don McLean)

    Wasn't too long ago, maybe in September
    When that vodka used to make me smile
    And I knew if I got my drink
    That I would no longer need to think
    And maybe I'd be happy for a while
    But October, went to Vegas
    At RockyCon I joined in the fracas
    Fell down on the doorstep
    I couldn't take one more sip
    I can't remember if I hurled
    When I rode around the spinning world
    But the next morning as I twirled
    I prayed that I would die

    So bye, bye Miss Darcy, Cutie Pi
    Took some sake down to Rocky, now you're high as the sky
    But getting drunk with that funky EMonk
    Hungover, wishing just just to curl up and die
    Wishing just just to curl up and die

    ASTREUA'S SERVANTS

    (To the tune of "Master And Servant" by Depeche Mode)

    In the Zen, in the Zen
    In the Zen, in the Zen
    In the Zen, in the Zen
    In the Zen, Zen Room

    There's a user who tells us what to do
    She's the theater director
    She runs every scene, dresses us all in green
    We are all astreua's servants

    In the Zen, Zen Room
    No
    S*E*X up on the stage
    She's feminist, and you're underage
    But forget about equality
    Cuz we're astreua's servants

    In the Zen, Zen Room
    Don't think she's unfeeling
    She just finds animals appealing
    But since you're a human
    Then she'll have her fun...

    RAGS DOLL

    (To the tune of "Rag Doll" by Aerosmith)

    Rags Doll, livin' in the Zen Room
    Hot chick, trip her and it's your doom
    Gets mad, here comes the big boom
    She'll kick you out back door, man

    Hot 'tude, get to take it easy
    Don't mind, when things get to sleazy
    Rags doll, baby won't you join me
    Behind the closet door...

    SMOKIN' IN THE ZEN ROOM

    (To the tune of "Smokin' In The Boys Room" by Michael Lutz & Cub Koda)

    Sittin' in the chatroom thinkin' it's a drag
    Waiting there for someone else -- just ain't my bag
    When I'm getting bored you know what I'll do
    Gonna light up a doobie or two

    Smokin' in the Zen Room
    Smokin' in the Zen Room
    Cosmo, don't you try to give me some fine
    Cuz everybody knows that smoking ain't allowed on-line...

    Checkin' out the room before we do what we please
    Lookin' on the screen -- nah, there ain't no IPs
    My buddies Chef, Quad, and Nat
    To get away with it would be real phuckin' phat

    Smokin' in the Zen Room
    Smokin' in the Zen Room
    Cosmo, don't you try to give me some fine
    Cuz everybody knows that smoking ain't allowed on-line...

    DANCING WITH MY NELL

    (To the tune of "Dancing With Myself" by billy Idol)

    In my Netscape under Windows
    Down in the Zen Room at Cosmo's
    With the Monk's song selection
    And the sequins reflection
    I'm a-dancing with my Nell
    Oh, when there's no one else logged on
    Even Evil Dots is gone
    I jump on the bar with my sweet sensation
    And I'm dancing with my Nell

    Oh, oh, oh dancing with my Nell
    Oh, oh, oh dancing with my Nell
    We've got plenty to zoom
    Swinging 'cross the Zen Room
    And I'm dancing with my Nell
    Oh, oh, oh, oh...

    If I danced all over the net
    Through the Jacuzzi and got wet
    But no partner would keep up like she could
    So I'll be dancing with my Nell
    So let's take a break to drink
    Dance through the shower cuz we stink
    When I have a chance, I ask her to dance
    And I'll be dancing with my Nell

    Oh, oh, oh dancing with my Nell
    Oh, oh, oh dancing with my Nell
    We've got plenty to zoom
    Swinging 'cross the Zen Room
    And I'm dancing with my Nell
    Oh, oh, oh, oh...
    Oh, oh, oh, oh...

    If I danced all over the net
    Through the Jacuzzi and got wet
    But no partner would keep up like she could
    So I'll be dancing with my Nell
    So let's take a break to drink
    Dance through the shower cuz we stink
    When I have a chance, I ask her to dance
    And I'll be dancing with my Nell

    Oh, oh, oh dancing with my Nell
    Oh, oh, oh dancing with my Nell
    When I have a chance, I ask her to dance
    When I have a chance, I ask her to dance
    When I have a chance, I ask her to dance

    Oh, oh, oh, oh...
    Oh, oh, oh, oh...
    Oh, oh, oh, oh...
    Oh, oh, oh, oh...

    WEIRDWOLF

    Written by WeirdWolf
    (To the tune of "Dentist" from "Little Shop of Horrors")

    When I was younger, just a dumb little kid
    People noticed freaky things I did
    Like whistling "Dixie" with a mouth fulla spam
    I'd collect nekkid pictures of Marv Albert's hand
    I'd cook some food and eat the plates instead
    That's when my fatha said
    (What did he say?)
    He said, "Oh God, I think some day
    I'll make you pay
    'Cause yer the reason why women turn gay

    'Cause, you are a Weirdwolf
    You have a talent fer making no sense
    Son, yer a Weirdwolf
    And this song really sucks, no offense
    You love to shave your tongue
    And tests prove yer out of a brain
    'Cause, you are a Weirdwolf
    And yer insane

    (SPOKEN: Here he is girls, the leader of the freaks
    He's still a virgin. Oh my god!
    Who wants to go to bed with someone who rolls over and speaks
    Check out these lyrics, they're just so dumb.)

    Oh, shut up! Stand aside! I'm not done!
    I am the Weirdwolf
    (He's just crazy)
    And, I enjoy all the laughs that I get
    I am the Weirdwolf
    I log on when the sun has set
    (He's really lazy)

    When I start cracking some jokes
    You'll all have passed on from having strokes (Weirdwolf!)
    And though it may cause me distress (Distress!)
    Somewhere in Heaven above me
    I know, I know that God really hates me!
    Oh, Shit!
    'Cause I am the Weirdwolf
    And a success!

    Say, "Hoo" (Hoo)
    Say, "Pla" (Pla)
    Hoopla!

    ZEN ROOM MARRIAGE

    (To the tune of "Love and Marriage" by Cahn/van Heusen -- the theme to "Married... With Children")

    Zen Room marriage, Zen Room marriage
    Next thing you know, a
    f*cking baby carriage
    To singles, it's a bother
    You turn around and there's another
    Zen Room marriage, Zen Room marriage
    As outdated as a horse and carriage
    Ask the local weirdos
    And they will tell you that they fear those
    Try, try, to eliminate them
    They're an illusion
    Wait, wait, wait and real soon they come
    To a conclusion
    Zen Room marriage...

    TIP-TOE, OH MY 2LIPS

    (To the tune of "Tip-Toe Thru The Tulips With Me" by Tiny Tim)

    Tip-toe to Las Vegas
    Losing my wages
    That is where I'll be
    Come tip-toe, oh my 2Lips, with me

    Tip-toe from your pre-show
    Of "Inferno"
    Which was cool, really
    And tip-toe, oh my 2Lips, with me

    Outside the ballroom we'll stray
    Later we'll all zoom away

    And if I kiss you
    By the fire
    In the stairwell
    Will you pardon me?
    Come tip-toe, oh my 2Lips, with me

    DO ALSATIAN

    (To the tune of "New Sensation" by INXS)

    Give baby give
    Now that the night is on us
    I'm gonna do Alsatian
    Give him an offer
    Impossible to refuse

    Sleep babe with me
    Until the night is over
    And you will come like a god
    Into my arms
    All positions compromising

    Gotta hold on you
    And do Alsatian
    And do Alsatian
    Right now
    Gonna roll you over
    And do Alsatian
    And do Alsatian

    Scream baby scream
    Got you coming and going
    And you will get it
    In the end
    There really is
    There really is no difference

    Cry baby cry
    When you've got to get it in
    I'll bite your shoulder
    You can be my all
    Just keep it in ya
    Well that's the reason why I'm here

    Are you ready
    I will do Alsatian
    I'll do Alsatian
    Right now
    Gonna take you and I'll do Alsatian
    I'll do Alsatian

    Late baby late
    When there's nothing left of you
    You're only human
    What can you do
    It'll soon be morning
    Don't let your pain take over you

    Love baby love
    It's dripping all over your face
    There's nothing better we could do
    Than screw forever
    Well that's all we've got to do

    Hey now I'm gonna go and do Alsatian
    and do Alsatian

    BARRY'S P*NIS (IN A BOTTLE)

    (To the tune of "Message in a Bottle" by The Police)

    Just an er*ction
    A p*nis under glass - oh
    A sign with directions
    "Needs a piece of ass" - oh
    This spectacle
    I could not forget
    I just don't believe she could name it Georgette - oh

    I'll show my big p*nis to the world
    I'll show my big p*nis to the world
    I hope that someone likes my
    I hope that someone likes my
    I hope that someone likes my
    P*nis in a bottle, whoa...

    HORNY LIKE WEIRDWOLF

    (To the tune of "Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran)

    Dark in the Zen Room, no one around
    Calling for someone, none to be found
    Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do
    If'n you want me, give me a sign
    And catch my dancing, watch my writhing behind
    Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

    Touching with my hand...
    I'm eating Spam and sniffing glue
    Still a virgin, I've got big urgin'
    And I'm horny like WeirdWolf
    Standing in line and drinking cheap wine
    I'm eating Spam and sniffing glue
    Feeling alive with Rosy Palm's five
    And I'm horny like WeirdWolf

    Talked to a woman, she was a d*y*ke
    I still hit on her, she said "Take a hike!"
    Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do
    Next came a man who was a beauty to find
    Said he was straight, I just cried at his behind
    Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

    Touching with my hand...
    I'm eating Spam and sniffing glue
    Humping a hound, I'm lost and I'm found
    And I'm horny like WeirdWolf
    Standing in line and drinking cheap wine
    I'm eating Spam and sniffing glue
    Feeling alive with Rosy Palm's five
    And I'm horny like WeirdWolf

    Horny like WeirdWolf
    Horny like WeirdWolf
    Horny like WeirdWolf

    Holding my gland, I'm shaking my hand
    I'm eating Spam and sniffing glue
    Still a virgin, I've got big urgin'
    And I'm horny like WeirdWolf
    Standing in line and drinking cheap wine
    I'm eating Spam and sniffing glue
    Feeling alive with Rosy Palm's five
    And I'm horny like WeirdWolf

    FREDDY

    (To the tune of "Eddie" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show")

    From the day she was bald
    She was something
    She played Space Riff
    Not Ralph Hapschatt's bride
    Dressed in lamé
    And she realized that Sue was to blame
    She left stage when Frankie died

    After she gave up booze
    All she wanted
    Was Ritz head tattoos
    And Barry Bostwick
    She heard a clunk
    In her broken-down cheap piece of junk
    Taking her long Las Vegas ride

    When Freddy said she was dressed like Dead Eddie
    You knew she was way psycho cool
    But when she said she was pals with the great Weird Al
    What a girl!
    Makes you hurl!
    Made me drool!

    Everybody loved her
    Some called Fred their mother
    I said, Fred, to you from me
    An iron-on of Stan and Wendy
    But at DenverCon she won't be there to see...

    But she must have felt bad
    About something
    That's why she had
    Sent me e-mail that reads...
    What's it say? Is it long?

    "EMonk, you're a freak
    Your singing makes me sick and weak
    You'd better not write me some stupid song!"

    When Freddy said she was dressed like Dead Eddie
    You knew she was way psycho cool
    But when she said she was pals with the great Weird Al
    What a girl!
    Makes you hurl!
    Made me drool!

    When Freddy said she was dressed like Dead Eddie
    You knew she was way psycho cool
    But when she said she was pals with the great Weird Al
    What a girl!
    Makes you hurl!
    Made me drool!

    Freddy...

    LILITH

    Written by Wyrdness and EMonk
    (To the tune of "Windy" by Ruthann Friedman, The Association)

    Who's playing in the back of the Zen Room
    Calling her name, it's lighter than air
    Who's bending down to capture a Wierdwolf
    Everyone knows it's Lilith

    Who's tripping down the streets of the Zen Room
    Snogging with everybody she sees
    Who's reaching out to snuggle a Weirdwolf
    Everyone knows it's Lilith

    And Lilith has big, green eyes
    That clash with the sound of lies
    And Lilith has voice to sing
    Sing it loud, sing it proud

    Who's tripping down the streets of the Zen Room
    Snogging with everybody she sees
    Who's reaching out to snuggle a Weirdwolf
    Everyone knows it's Lilith

    SQUIDDY BLACK DRESS

    (To the tune of "Little Black Dress" from "Shock Treatment")

    Well, first you go squish squish squish
    Then you go swish swish swish
    Then you make a big wish wish wish
    Not to end up in an Italian dish dish dish
    And as you swish swish swish
    You wiggle and giggle and make an inky mess
    As you squish squish squish in your squiddy black dress

    That spectacular, aquatical-er, tenticular...
    Squiddy black dress!

    LOLO

    (To the tune of "Lola" by The Kinks)

    I met her in a room down in Cosmo's Fac
    We played in the pool and we shouted back
    "Marco Polo!"
    P-O-L-O, Polo...

    Saw this pretty girl coming in for some Zen
    I asked, "Baby where?" and she said, "Right here, when?"
    She was Lolo
    L-O-L-O, Lolo
    Lo-Lo-Lo-Lolo...

    Well, she's not my first, but she's the first who
    Turned her typing and my
    tes*tes such a deep blue
    Oh my Lolo
    Lo-Lo-Lo-Lolo, Lo-Lo-Lo-Lolo...

    Well, I'm not shy but I can't understand
    How she makes me so hard just by holding my hand
    Oh my Lolo
    Lo-Lo-Lo-Lolo, Lo-Lo-Lo-Lolo...

    Well, we drank our rum and cokes all night
    Then watched Moxy start a fight
    'Till I got drunk, my head was in a fog
    She said, "Little boy won't you come here and snog?"

    Well, I know when it's time for more than talk
    By then I could barely walk
    I almost fell on my Lolo
    Lo-Lo-Lo-Lolo, Lo-Lo-Lo-Lolo...

    She helped me get up
    I looked all around
    I wanted to go down
    I got down on my knees
    Stuck out my tongue and she said "Please!"

    Well that's the way that I know she's not gay
    I always want her to be that way, oh my Lolo
    Lo-Lo-Lo-Lolo...

    The Zen Room's wild, the pants always drop
    It's a side-by-side, going-down, back-on-top
    place with my Lolo
    Lo-Lo-Lo-Lolo, Lo-Lo-Lo-Lolo...

    Well I logged on not too long ago
    And I never ever met such a cyber-ho
    Lolo, dear, she took me in the stairwell
    Asked me to do it, and I said "What the hell!"

    Well, then we did it until we were weak
    And I know what I am and that I'm a freak
    So is Lolo
    Lo-Lo-Lo-Lolo, Lo-Lo-Lo-Lolo...

    STARWOMAN

    Written by Gordon Bondoreff
    (To the tune of "Starman" by David Bowie)

    Didn't know what time it was the lights were low
    I clicked on my mouse control
    Some cats were writing down some rock and roll
    In the Zen Room
    Then the screen began to fade
    A name showed up like a wave of faith
    That was no lady
    That hazy cosmic name

    [CHORUS]
    There's a Starwoman
    Waiting in the night
    She'd like to come and meet us
    But she thinks she'd blow our minds
    There's a Starwoman
    Waiting in the night
    She's told us not to blow it
    Cause she knows it's all worth while she told us
    Let the Zen Room greet her
    Let the children meet her
    And all the people see her

    She had to greet someone so she picked on you
    Hey that's far out, so you've met her too
    Go to the Zen Room
    She'll show up on you're screen too
    Look out you're window you can see her lights
    If she can sparkle you may see her tonight
    Don't tell the others or they'll end up insane with fright

    [CHORUS x 2]

    DARRIE KITTY

    (To the tune of "Do Wah Diddy Diddy" by Manfred Mann's Earth Band)

    There she was just a-walkin' in the door
    She was Darrie Kitty Darriever Kitty Cat
    Lickin' her whiskers and crossin' the floor
    She was Darrie Kitty Darriever Kitty Cat
    She looked good (looked good)
    She looked nice (looked nice)
    She looked good, she looked nice
    Sitting pretty, eating mice

    Before I knew it she was sittin' on my lap
    She was Darrie Kitty Darriever Kitty Cat
    Scratchin' my legs just before she took a nap
    She was Darrie Kitty Darriever Kitty Cat
    She licked me (licked me)
    I pet her (pet her)
    She licked me, I pet her
    Then she gave a little purr

    Whoa-oh-oh, I knew she was falling asleep
    Yes I did, and so I gave her 9-Lives tuna
    And a collar to keep

    Now we're in the Zen Room nearly every single day
    She was Darrie Kitty Darriever Kitty Cat
    I am her human and that how I'm gonna stay
    She was Darrie Kitty Darriever Kitty Cat
    Well I'm hers (I'm hers)
    She's mine (she's mine)
    I'm hers, she's mine
    And we chat all day on-line

    She was Darrie Kitty Darriever Kitty Cat
    Darrie Kitty Darriever Kitty Cat
    Darrie Kitty Darriever Kitty Cat

    COMA GIRL

    (To the tune of "Barbie Girl" by Aqua)

    I'm a coma girl, in a coma world
    Hibernating, brain is vegetating
    You can brush my hair
    I can't tell you are there
    In stagnation, mind is on vacation

    AMY THE BI-GODDESS

    Written by WeirdWolf
    (To the tune of "Everything Louder Than Everything Else" by Meat Loaf)

    (Amy Rules!)
    (Amy Rules!)
    Amy has a really pretty smile
    And when you look at it, it'll enchant you for awhile
    As far as I'm concerned, she's an angel from the sky
    Come to take me away and make me her guy
    Come to take me away and make me her guy!

    Who is she? How did we meet?
    She's a goddess who swept me off of my feet!
    If she likes Meat Loaf, I don't really know
    But we both really like Rocky Horror Picture Show
    Yes, we both really like Rocky Horror Picture Show!

    Well, when she's not around
    All the stars come crashing down
    But, when she's near my heart, everything's alright
    She's all that matters to me in this world
    She's
    bi*sexual-She's the perfect girl
    She's an angel of the niii-iiiiight!

    I ain't singing for the glory
    And I ain't singing for her honor
    I ain't singing for the thrill of anything at all
    And I sure ain't singing for glamour
    But I'm singing cause I love her and I just can't stop
    If she really wanted me to
    I'd run through He-ell
    and I wanna love her for the rest of my liiii-iiife!

    Amy's sweeter than anyone I know!
    She's as pure as real snow!
    Breaks my heart when she has'ta go!
    Amy's the bi-goddess of heaven and hell!
    This song has a beat, I'm doing well!
    But I'm singing so hard that my head is - starting to swell!

    Amy!
    Rules!
    Amy!
    Rules!
    Aaaahhh!!!
    Amy!
    Rules!
    Amy!
    Rules!

    Amy's got a heart and it's a mile long and that's the whole damned truth
    And she's so sweet that I'm glad I was born with a hell of a sweet tooth
    They say that I'm like any other guy and I'd end up wanting a Dr. Ruth
    But, i'm not like that at all, I love her for herself and hope this counts as some proof

    Some say I'm loud and stupid
    Some say I don't act my age
    I'm teenager in this computerized world
    And I'll probably never get on stage
    And maybe I agree, cause all their crap puts me in rage
    But, I love Amy and her love opened up my emotional cage!
    I'm supposed to write a song, but seems I havn't written a page!
    I'm out of rhymes, but I think to fill time I think I'll just sing the same thing over again!
    And again, and a-gain, and again and uh-gain, I'll just sing the same thing over again!

    (louder, louder, louder, louder, louder!)

    If you want my view of Amy, then there's something I should say
    I think her love is as brighter light of day!
    If you say that that I'm crazy and Amy has no class
    You better watch out, cause I'll kick your ass
    You better watch out, cause I'll kick your ass!

    Well, when she's not around
    I feel like i'm gonna drown
    But, when she's near my heart, everything's alright
    I got a funny feeling I sung this part before
    I hope I'm not becoming a bore
    I'll just repeat myself and hope to get byyyyyy!

    And I've been singing for an hour
    I'm not very good for your health
    I'm still singing when they beat me and drag me away
    Too bad singing don't increase my wealth
    And I'm singing till it's over, and I just won't stop!
    Come on Amy, take it from the tooo-ooop!
    (Sing it yourself. Sing it yourself. Oh!)
    Sing like an angel of the niiii-iiight!

    Amy is sweeter than anyone else!
    Already sung this part in the second verse
    Last song I wrote was long, but man
    This is much worse

    All Meat Loaf's songs are about Heaven and Hell
    It's a real shame that none of them sell
    And everything he sings is written by
    Some guy named Mel!

    Over and over and oh-ver-again
    Singing so loud, my head's starting to spin
    I'll buy a lotto ticket
    Maybe I'll win!

    Blah-blah, blah, blah, blah-blah-blah, blah, blah-blah!
    Yackity, yaaaa-kity, yaaaaaa-kity, yak!
    Hum-hum, hum, hum, hum-hum-hum, hum, hum-hum!
    La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!
    Shoo-bidy doo-bidy loo-biddy-doo!
    Yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo!
    Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, Cur-ly, Lar-ry, and Moe!
    Shingaling, ring-aling, chi-menny choo!
    Goes on forever now I'm tired too!
    Amy's sweeter than
    [My head blows up]

    PETE

    Written by Petey26
    (To the tune of "Lump" by The Presidents of the United States)

    Pete sat alone in the zen room
    Twiddling his thumbs and whistling a tune
    Along came Lily who said "'ello"
    His color is blue it is not yellow

    It's Pete
    It's Pete
    A crazy guy
    It's Pete
    It's Pete
    It's Pete
    He might be bi

    Pete is a hardcore Rocky fan
    In just seven days we can make him a man
    He likes to go to the RHPS
    He works at the theatre and cleans up the mess

    It's Pete
    It's Pete
    He's hardly rude
    It's Pete
    It's Pete
    It's Pete
    A wacky dude

    Is that Pete out of the room?
    I don't know
    Is that Pete out of the room?
    I don't know
    Is that Pete out of the room?
    I don't know
    Is that Pete out of the room?
    He said *poof*

    LIL BUNNI FOO

    (To the tune of "Runaround Sue" by Dion)

    I should have known it from the very start
    This girl would grab me and then steal my heart
    Now listen people what I'm telling you
    Keep away from my Lil Bunni Foo
    I kiss her lips and I gaze at her face
    I am consumed here in this girl's warm embrace
    So if you don't want me beating you
    Keep away from my Lil Bunni Foo

    Ah, my life without her is hell
    She'll love me in the back stairwell
    Now let me tell you something guys
    Foo's an angel in disguise
    Here's the moral of my story, don't stare at my nose
    I'm at Steak and Shake kissing her toes
    Ask any time what you oughta do
    I'll say keep away from my Lil Bunni Foo

    Ah, my life without her is hell
    She'll love me in the back stairwell
    Now let me tell you something guys
    Foo's an angel in disguise
    Here's the moral of my story, don't stare at my nose
    I'm at Steak and Shake kissing her toes
    Ask any time what you oughta do
    I'll say keep away from my Lil Bunni Foo

    QUAD PRINCESS

    (To the tune of "White Christmas" by Irving Berlin)

    I'm dreaming of the Quad Princess
    With her whoop ass and bammm and smile
    Where her tight top's golden
    And we're beholdin'
    Her running up and down the aisle

    I'm dreaming of the Quad Princess
    Even though she may think I'm odd...
    May her next Con not be her last
    And may all her costumes be half-assed

    CHRYSSY KITTEN

    (To the tune of "Sister Christian" by Night Ranger)

    Chryssy Kitten enters the Zen Room
    And you know that my heart goes ba-boom
    Ka-pow, like wow
    How you feeling, what you coming for
    You know that you don't have to look no more
    For he, it's me

    Saskachewan
    How much for a flight
    I need my Mrs. Right
    You'll be with me tonight

    Babe, you know you're coming up so fast
    Please stop worrying that we won't last
    Too long, you're wrong
    Chryssy Kitten there's so much in life
    And I'd give all if only my wife
    was you, it's true
    I do, yeah...

    Saskachewan
    How much for a flight
    I need you in my sight
    Tonight and every night
    Saskachewan
    How much for a flight
    I need my Mrs. Right
    You'll be with me tonight

    Chryssy Kitten enters the Zen Room
    And you know that my heart goes ba-boom
    Ka-pow, like wow
    But you're too far gone
    Yeah, Saskachewan...

    QUAD PRINCESS II

    (To the tune of "Brown Sugar" by the Rolling Stones)

    Gold bikini over cotton briefs
    Opens some Whoop Ass when she's got a beef
    All her buddies know she's doing alright
    She's at Rocky Horror, Saturday midnight

    Quad Princess, how come you look so good?
    Quad Princess, just like a diva should

    Runs singing out "Sword of Damocles"
    Doctor Frank Furter is crawlin' round upon his knees
    Crowd all knows that she's doing alright
    You shoulda heard them cheering at midnight

    Quad Princess, how come you look so good?
    Quad Princess, just like a diva should

    Quad Princess, how come you look so good?
    Quad Princess, just like a diva should

    I heard your momma was a real bitch
    You moved to New York to strike it rich
    We all miss you and your PVC tights
    But I can find you on Saturday nights

    Quad Princess, how come you look so good?
    Quad Princess, just like a diva should

    LITTLE BUNNI FOO FOO

    (To the tune of "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman)

    Oh you pretty Bunni Foo Foo
    Little Bunni Foo Foo
    I love you
    And, my
    Pretty Bunni Foo Foo
    Little Bunni Foo Foo
    Loves me too

    I know everywhere I go on Bunni Foo Foo I'll depend
    Yoohoo, Little Bunni Foo Foo
    Won't you be my girlfriend?
    Woohoo, Little Bunni Foo Foo
    Stay with me till the end...

    PURPLE BUNNY

    (To the tune of "Money (That's What I Want)" by Radford/Cordy)

    The best things in life are free
    But I would rather have the birds and bees

    CHORUS:
    With Purple Bunny (That's who I want)
    That's who I want (That's who I want)
    That's who I want, yeah
    That's who I want

    Bunnies don't have everything it's true
    What they have what I must use

    [CHORUS]

    The Purple Bunny (That's who I want)
    My Purple Bunny (That's who I want)

    [CHORUS]

    Your lovin' makes my heart boom
    The best lovin' in the Zen Room

    [CHORUS]

    Bunnies don't have everything it's true
    What they have what I must use

    [CHORUS]

    The Purple Bunny (That's who I want)
    My Purple Bunny (That's who I want)

    [CHORUS]

    AMY THE BI BI GODDESS

    (To the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" by Johnny Marks)

    Amy the Bi Bi Goddess
    Always loved to swing both ways
    And if you went out with her
    You'd be making love for days
    All of the other Zenners
    Used to laugh and call her "ho"
    They never let her join them
    At the Rocky Horror Show
    Then one happy Halloween
    Weirdwolf came to say
    "Amy, with your heart so wide
    Won't you come and be my bride?"
    Now all the Zenners love her
    As they sing at her wedding
    "Amy the Bi Bi Goddess
    How we envy your bedding!"

    STOP DRAGONPUNK

    (To the tune of "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around" by Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty)

    Midnight someone's knocking on my front door
    Says their house, well it ain't there no more
    I said yeah, well, what am I supposed to do
    I didn't know that he'd be getting me too

    Now we've got a little trouble in town
    Now he's burning our buildings down
    Stop DragonPunk
    Stop DragonPunk
    He's burnin' the Zen Room down!

    We tried to find Raincloud and Moxy
    But they couldn't put that dragon out
    Then DragonPunk he ate up Nat and Roxy
    Princess Schnikki thought she heard Laurie shout

    I tried to find a virgin to sacrifice
    I couldn't find one though I looked twice

    Baby, you had better look for old Cosmo
    Yeah or else his factory's gonna go
    Stop DragonPunk
    Stop DragonPunk
    He's burnin' the Zen Room down!

    There's Petey looking for his SamKitty
    And the Weirdwolf's covered with Ash
    There's Jannet in a real pickle
    Dragon burned her knickers in a flash

    I think we really have to all say goodbye
    I think it really is the end of the world

    Baby, who could ever save us from this Punk
    Where the
    F*CKing hell can we find EMonk
    Stop DragonPunk
    Stop DragonPunk
    He's burnin' the Zen Room down!

    (EVERYBODY'S) IRKING LARRY VIEZEL

    (To the tune of "Everybody's Working for the Weekend" by Loverboy)

    Everybody's irking Larry Viezel
    Everybody's throwing him a curve, whoa
    Everybody's putting this guy through hell
    Everybody's plucking his last nerve, yeah

    You wanna piss Larry off?
    Make faces at him and cough
    You wanna mess up his show?
    Just talk about his S.O.!

    JESTER'S SONG

    (To the tune of "Yesterday" by the Beatles)

    Jester hey
    I know you wanted a new song today
    But I don't know just what I can say
    I don't believe it's Jester's day

    Certainly
    I sometimes compose spontaneously
    Other times you have to inspire me
    You'll get a song, just wait and see

    Why he had to beg
    I'll pull his leg
    and write this song
    One verse then I'll choke
    it's a joke
    and getting long

    Yesterday
    A parody was an easy thing to make
    now they know that I am just a fake
    Cuz I let down Jester today
    hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmm hmmmmmm

    CHEER UP, LITTLE FOO FOO

    (To the tune of "Wake Up, Little Susie" by the Everly Brothers)

    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo, Cheer up!
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo, Cheer up!

    I know you're feelin' down
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo, don't frown
    Don't be so bitter, I'm no quitter
    And I'm your crazy clown
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo!
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo!

    Well what are they going to tell your Nikki
    When she asks why you're feelin' icky
    Why don't you come on with me and we'll get sticky
    Oh-la-la!
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo!
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo!

    Well you told the Zen Room that you'd become a saint
    You think that's the answer but I say it ain't
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo!
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo!
    'Cause I'm here with you!
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo, Cheer up!
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo, Cheer up!

    Let me kiss your little nose
    As I'm holding you warm and close
    You'll fall asleep, your love I'll keep
    Don't tell me your heart has froze
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo!
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo!

    Well what are they going to tell your Nikki
    When she asks why you're feelin' icky
    Why don't you come on with me and we'll get sticky
    Oh-la-la!
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo!
    Cheer up, Little Foo Foo!

    EMONK

    Written by Darriever
    (To the tune of "Jolene" by Spring Heeled Jack)

    EMonk
    You wrote a song again
    So I'll wait here inside
    The Zen Room
    Where you keep me waiting for a long time
    Soon you'll come around and let us know it's time
    For us all to check out the page
    Soon you'll come around and let us know it's time
    To read it
    You and I will sing along...

    EMonk, we know
    That the song is gonna rock
    EMonk, we know
    That you'll somehow please us
    EMonk, we know
    That we're gonna love the song
    EMonk, we know...

    EMonk-everyone wants a song
    They beg to you on knees
    Of hope
    You agree and rack your brains for hours
    Soon you'll come around and let us know it's done
    It's ready
    Soon you'll come around and let us know it's time
    To read it
    You and I will sing along...

    EMonk, we know
    That you're a genius inside
    EMonk, we know
    That you'll always please us
    EMonk, we know
    That each smile will make us smile
    EMonk, we know
    That we'll make it up to you

    You wrote a another song
    So I'll wait here inside
    In the Zen
    Soon you'll come around and let us know it's time
    And we'll make it up to you...

    EMonk
    I can't see the songs
    because AOL is a stupid BITCH!

    IT'S CURRY WE LOVE

    (To the tune of "You Can't Hurry Love" by Phil Collins[?])
    Inspired by and dedicated to
    The Temple of Tim

    I love Rocky
    Ooh, it's my show
    And I need to see Tim
    I need to serve him

    My mantra is:
    It's Curry we love
    Oh, we all think he's great
    We just watched him in "Annie"
    And heard him do that old pirate
    It's Curry we love
    Yes, we passed him ammo
    And just had a good time
    In the Rocky Horror Show

    How many movies must I view
    Now that I am High Priestess TDW
    Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on
    Down in my temple, ooh, when Rocky's done

    Remember my mantra is:
    It's Curry we love
    Oh, we all think he's great
    We just watched him in "Annie"
    And heard him do that old pirate
    There was "Home Alone"
    And "Lexx in the Dark Zone"
    "The Three Musketeers"
    Will make me cry, bring me tears

    No, he's my god of the silver screen
    All his followers will go where he is seen
    But when it's time that I give my sermon
    As High Priestess then I keep singing on

    Remember my mantra is:
    It's Curry we love
    Oh, we all think he's great
    We just watched him in "Annie"
    And heard him do that old pirate
    It's Curry we love
    Yes, we passed him ammo
    And just had a good time
    In the Rocky Horror Show, let's go!

    Now we love our Tim Curry
    And I keep on waiting
    Anticipating for that strong voice
    I hear each Friday night
    Won't his sequinned arms
    Hold me tight
    I keep waiting
    Ooh, till that day
    'Til I meet Curry
    (We all love Curry!)
    No, you know we won't hurry

    My mantra is:
    It's Curry we love
    Oh, we all think he's great
    We just watched him in "Annie"
    And heard him do that old pirate

    My mantra is:
    It's Curry we love
    Oh, we all think he's great
    We just watched him in "Annie"
    And heard him do that old pirate

    MY DEMONA

    (To the tune of "My Sharona" by The Knack)
    Oooh, my little flighty one
    My nighty one
    When you gonna give me some time, Demona?
    Oooh, you make me want some fun
    Some gargoyle fun
    Won't you come along and be mine, Demona?

    Never gonna stop, give it up
    And my mighty dick, I always get it up
    From the touch of my blue-ish chick
    My, my, my, my, my woo!
    My Demona

    GO QUAD PRINCESS

    Written by Quad Princess and EMonk
    (To the tune of the "Speed Racer" theme song)

    Here she comes, here comes Quad Princess
    She's a demon on booze
    She's a demon and she's gonna be opening some Whoop Ass

    She's hangin' with you
    So you better be her friend
    She's dancin' shakin' up
    Her powerful rear end

    And when the Quad is against you
    Here's the bottom line:
    You'd better kiss your sweet ass
    And say goodbye!

    Go, Quad Princess
    Go, Quad Princess
    Go, Quad Princess, GO!

    She's off and flyin'
    As she's runnin' up and down the aisle
    She's wearin' gold lame
    Bikini and her famous smile
    And Frank is waiting just ahead!

    Go, Quad Princess
    Go, Quad Princess
    Go, Quad Princess, GO!

    NATIONS THE VAMPIRE

    (To the tune of "Minnie the Moocher" by Cab Calloway)
    Well folks, here's the story of Nations the Vampire
    She lived in Canada, north of New Hampshire
    She was a low-down evil pale undead
    But Nations never let that go to her head
    Hidey hidey hidey ho (Hidey hidey hidey ho)
    Heedee heedee heedee hee (Heedee heedee heedee hee)
    Hodey hodey hodey ho (Hodey hodey hodey ho)

    She hung around in Cosmo's room of Zen
    Getting her blood quick and often
    The best part of sucking from Zen Room thugs
    Is that all their blood is full of booze and drugs
    Hidey hidey hidey hidey hidey hidey hi (Hidey hidey hidey hidey hidey hidey hi)
    Hodey hodey hodey hodey hodey hodey ho (Hodey hodey hodey hodey hodey hodey ho)
    Scoodley-boo scoodley-boo scoodley-boodley-boodley-boo (Scoodley-boo scoodley-boo scoodley-boodley-boodley-boo)
    Poor Nat, poor Nat, poor Nat...

    KRISSY THE SPIDER KILLER

    (To the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" by Johnny Marks)

    Krissy the Spider Killer
    Loved to stomp them in the turf
    He had to go kill spiders
    'Cause she had run out of smurfs
    All of the other Zenners
    Used to follow her real close
    They let her do the killing
    'Cause they all found spiders gross
    Then one sleepy Monday morn Cosmo came to say
    "Krissy, with your evil grins
    Won't you kill those damned penguins?"
    Now the Zen Room is happy
    'Cause their place is vermin-free
    Krissy the Spider Killer
    I'm begging you just don't kill me!

    SMACKDOWN HOTEL

    (To the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel" by Elvis)

    Well, since my Quad Princess opened
    A Whoop Ass can from Hell
    Now, I'm down at the end of Jabroni Drive
    The Smackdown Hotel
    Where it is, it's such a bummer, baby
    I got a stunner, I got a stunner and could die

    And there are lots of people
    That came here to their doom
    They broke their word and then they heard
    Quad lower the boom
    She'll tell you suck it, baby
    Get ready to suck it
    Or kick the bucket, and just die

    Now her boss's tears keep flowin'
    And her ex-friend's dressed in black
    Well, they got such a major smackdown
    They'll never, never talk back
    You'd better shut your hole, baby
    Well, just shut your hole
    Well, just know your role, or you'll die

    If Quad Princess grabs you
    And says she has things to tell
    You'll join me down Jabroni Drive
    The Smackdown Hotel, oh baby
    Where it is, it's such a bummer, baby
    You'll get a stunner, you'll get a stunner and could die

    And there are lots of people
    That came here to their doom
    They broke their word and then they heard
    Quad lower the boom
    She'll tell you suck it, baby
    Get ready to suck it
    Or kick the bucket, and just die

    AMBER GHUR'S IN PARADISE

    (To the tune of "Cheeseburger in Paradise" by Jimmy Buffet)

    Finally found my on-line place to unwind
    Partying 'til I'm out of my head
    Livin' life with a boom, laughin' in the Zen Room
    Chuggin' lots of EMonk's drinks and chattin' with Fred

    For I'd searched for another home
    Where people love Little Nell
    There's Magentas, elephantas (colored bright pink)
    At that internet location in which I dwell

    Amber Ghur's in paradise
    Everybody here is so nice
    And ol' Prince Zola took care of his lice
    You see that Amber Ghur's in paradise

    Heard about that old place, Cosmo's Fac
    Where all the freaks hang out and run wild
    Nations and Quad, and Larry is quite odd
    Everyone will love me as long as my modem's dialed

    Times've changed on the net these days
    With spam and porn it's becoming hell
    But's Magentas, elephantas (colored bright pink)
    Are waiting for me at that room in which I dwell

    Amber Ghur's in paradise
    Everybody here is so nice
    And ol' Prince Zola took care of his lice
    You see that Amber Ghur's in paradise

    I like the jacuzzi where Amy and I 69
    Richard watches all night
    Jannet and pickle always love a tickle
    And then we all love a great big pudding fight

    Amber Ghur's in paradise
    Everybody here is so nice
    And ol' Prince Zola took care of his lice
    You see that Amber Ghur's in paradise

    TIMCHET'S BUTT

    (To the tune of "Stray Cat Strut" by the Stray Cats)

    Black and blue-ish TimChet walks into the room
    Looks like he's been beaten with a broom
    He's real tired but he don't care
    His butt's too sore to be usin' a chair

    TimChet's butt, it's E.T.'s playground
    Oh, turn and bend him over, anal probes are found
    Gets abducted by aliens every night
    Starts to enjoy it, that just ain't right

    "E-YOW! Hey, don't touch my ass!"

    Tim don't bother putting up a fight, oh-no
    He's walking all alone, looks and sees a light
    Yellin' to the spaceship that it just ain't right
    Singin' the blues while the aliens probe
    Poor TimChet now you gotta disrobe
    I wish that they would just leave him alone
    If I give them a quarter, can't they just phone home?

    ADDICTED TO ZEN

    Written by EMonk and Fred
    (To the tune of "Addicted to Love" by Robert Palmer)

    You're logging on, you don't leave home
    Your mind is on the phone
    Your eyes burn, Your fingers ache
    Just one more point you want to make

    You can't leave, say 'bye' then
    You get dragged back in again
    You're handle's white, easy to read
    Another plush is all you need

    Oh, you like to think that chat is only a fad, whoa yeah
    It's closer to the truth to say that you are hooked bad
    You know you're gonna have to face it, you're a addicted to Zen

    You see the songs, you want one too
    The photo album has shots of you
    You hit "Refresh" one more time
    All that you need's another line, a T-1 line

    You can't be saved
    Some Rocky talk is all you crave
    Every day you come back
    Crawl into Cosmo's Fac

    Oh, you like to think that chat is only a fad, whoa yeah
    It's closer to the truth to say that you are hooked bad
    You know you're gonna have to face it, you're a addicted to Zen

    Might as well you're a addicted to Zen
    Might as well you're a addicted to Zen
    Might as well you're a addicted to Zen
    Might as well you're a addicted to Zen
    Might as well you're a addicted to Zen

    You're logging on, you don't leave home
    Your mind is on the phone
    Your eyes burn, Your fingers ache
    Just one more point you want to make

    Oh, you like to think that chat is only a fad, whoa yeah
    It's closer to the truth to say that you are hooked bad
    You know you're gonna have to face it, you're a addicted to Zen

    Might as well you're a addicted to Zen
    Might as well you're a addicted to Zen
    Might as well you're a addicted to Zen
    Might as well you're a addicted to Zen
    Might as well you're a addicted to Zen

    (GOIN' TO THE) ZEN ROOM

    Written by Geavis
    (To the tune of the "South Park" theme by Primus)

    Goin' to the Zen Room, gonna leave my cares behind
    I like Cosmo's Factory, It's in Cosmo's Factory
    Goin' to the Zen Room, gonna to try to clear my mind
    People logged on day and night, it is seldom ever boring
    Goin' to the Zen Room, gonna see who I can find
    mmm mmm mmmph mmph mmm mm mmmmph mmmphph *
    Goin' to the Zen Room, gonna chat with freinds of mine

    * [No one understands Kenny, he talks in black text]

    RATT'S ODE TO BALD MEN

    (To the tune of "I Just Called to Say I Love You" by Stevie Wonder)

    Bald men are phat, so says the Ratt
    Like Zen Room P.M. Richard or Jester
    Ritz O'Brien, got me sighin'
    Except for Elmer Fudd or Uncle Fester

    If you're bald, then hey, I love you!
    If you're bald, come see how much I care
    If you're bald, then hey, I love you!
    And I want to see you in that dress right there

    No golden locks, no hairy jocks
    I'd rather have Doctor Evil than Bond, James Bond
    No shaven girls, or Jeri curls
    Get rid of those red hairs or black or brown or blond

    If you're bald, then hey, I love you!
    If you're bald, come see how much I care
    If you're bald, then hey, I love you!
    And I want to see you in that dress right there

    BLOSM

    (To the tune of the "Powerpuff Girls" theme song by Bis)

    Blosm!
    She lives is Austin, Texas
    Hubba!
    Attractive to both sexes
    Watch yourself
    Or she will give you hexes
    BlosmTex makes my day!

    A good time, chatting in the Zen Room...
    When she leaves it's a crime, our hearts all go boom...
    A good time, chatting in the Zen Room...
    When she leaves it's a crime, our hearts all go boom...
    BlosmTex!!

    PENIS WAR BALLAD

    (To the tune of "Shock Treatment" from "Shock Treatment")

    I'm not a homophobe fearing the sight of a penis
    I've had this big guy for too many years
    But we all went to war
    With Monk's sword and Zola's stealth
    Went that penis tried to ream us
    Up our rears

    But if you open your legs to this huge penetrator
    He'll burst you like a cheap balloon
    He'll kill everyone here sooner or later
    It'll shake ya the way he snakes all the Zen Room

    We need to fight this, ooooh Cock Creature
    Now he's charging after poor Miss Brier
    We need to fight this, ooooh Cock Creature
    And Chryssy-Kitten, better wear your rubber mittens
    Or that dick is gonna spoogify ya!

    They're blinded by blood and they're blinded by semen
    Poor EMonk has both feet in the grave
    But then he got smitten with help from the Kitten
    While Zola drank some cola, oh how brave

    We need to fight this, ooooh Cock Creature
    He's surrounded by Kitten and Brier
    We need to fight this, ooooh Cock Creature
    Zola and Lily think that this is getting silly
    Into vacuum the penis is fired... fired... Fired!

    JESTER, JESTER

    (To the tune of "Denton, USA" from "Shock Treatment")

    Jester, Jester
    Looks like Uncle Fester
    Or sometimes Gold Dust, he's OK

    Jester, Jester
    like that evil Bester
    He's often uncouth
    But likes vermouth
    It's Jester, Jester's wanking day!

    FRED WAS COMPLETELY CRAZY

    Written by Wyrdness and EMonk
    (To the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" by Johnny Marks)

    Fred was Completely Crazy
    Had a very shiny head
    Shaved it when she was Meph Smith
    Grew it back to be dead Ed
    All of the folks in Denver
    Gaped to see her play Macy
    Next thing you know she'll be in
    Something feminine/lacy
    Then one shitty MayDay eve
    The theater came to say
    "Freddie take your cast and go
    "Lose the stage and weights and so..."
    Now all her friends are homeless
    As they face the sky and cry
    "Rocky's gone from Chicago
    Let's watch that manager die!"

    EXTONEDDIE'S LITTLE PLAID KILT

    Written by EMonk and A_Groupie
    (To the tune of "Little Black Dress" from "Shock Treatment")

    Ever since he was a little boy
    Dressing up has always been Glenn's greatest joy
    But when its Scottish to the hilt
    And his thighs are quite well built
    Its the strapless, pantsless, panty-less little plaid kilt

    Well, first you go creep creep creep
    Into your keep keep keep
    Then get your kilt cheap cheap cheap
    Wrap it up real deep deep deep
    Then go get some sheep sheep sheep
    You hug 'er and bugger that ewe feeling no guilt
    Then you go sleep sleep sleep in your little plaid kilt

    Ever since he played the ExtonEddie part
    It was the tartan cloth that smothered up his farts
    And at Ren Faires he plays
    With Ryo on his face
    In his red and brown, wraparound, Scottish gown
    Dressed up like Braveheart

    Well, first you go creep creep creep
    Into your keep keep keep
    Then get your kilt cheap cheap cheap
    Wrap it up real deep deep deep
    Then go get some sheep sheep sheep
    You hug 'er and bugger that ewe feeling no guilt
    Then you go sleep sleep sleep in your little plaid kilt

    Let's face it Jock, my great huge cock, beats the beast o'Loch!
    Let's face it Jock, my great huge cock, beats the beast o'Loch!
    Let's face it Jock, my great huge cock, beats the beast o'Loch!
    Take a gander (a gander)
    At my candor (my candor)
    A real Highlander
    In my little plaid kilt!

    I'M A TRANNIE

    Written by Frankette
    (To the tune of "I Feel Pretty" from "West Side Story")

    I'm a Trannie
    Such a Trannie
    And I'm happy
    To be what I am
    With my fishnets
    And my platform shoes
    I feel just fine

    I wear makeup
    Lots of makeup
    That I feel like I'm going on stage
    But I really
    Don't care about what people say about me

    As I strut my stuff when I'm clubbing
    People often stop and just stare
    At my platform shoes
    And my made up face
    They stop are stare
    At meeee

    Some people say
    That I've no taste
    I'm a weirdo
    And highly insane
    But I laugh
    And I go on my trannie way!

    FRANKIE'S GIRL

    (To the tune of "Jessie's Girl" by Rick Springfield)

    Frankie's my boyfriend
    Ever since I made that delivery
    But now I gotta give him a big piece of my mind
    Frankie's got himself a girl
    And I want to make her mine

    And she's watching him with those eyes
    And she's lovin' him in those Mouse ears, I just know it
    Yeah and he's snogging her in his lab late, late at night

    You know, I wish that I had Frankie's girl
    I wish that I had Frankie's girl
    Where can I find a groupie like that?

    I play along with Frankie's game
    He doesn't seem to notice that things have changed
    You know, I feel so dirty when they start talking cute
    I hide and watch them from the freezer
    And they haven't got a clue

    'Cuz she's watching him with those eyes
    And she's lovin' him in those Mouse ears, I just know it
    And he's snogging her in his lab late, late at night

    You know, I wish that I had Frankie's girl
    I wish that I had Frankie's girl
    Where can I find a groupie like that?
    Like Frankie's girl
    I wish that I had Frankie's girl
    Where can I find a groupie
    Where can I find a groupie like that?

    Next she's hangin' with that domestic dyke
    Doing it with everyone but me
    Big and hairy, I've got a bitchin' bike
    Ain't that the way love's supposed to be?

    Tell me, where can I find a groupie like that?

    You know, I wish that I had Frankie's girl
    I wish that I had Frankie's girl
    I want Frankie's girl
    Where can I find a groupie like that
    Like Frankie's girl
    I wish that I had Frankie's girl
    I want, I want Frankie's girl

    BE MY BABY BRIER

    (To the tune of "Light My Fire" by The Doors)

    You know I know I hold your breasts for you
    But let me tell you something, Brier
    Now I want the rest of you
    Girl, it's time to get much higher

    Come on, be my baby, Brier
    Come on, be my baby, Brier
    Let me set your night on fire

    The time to hesitate is through
    Leave Zola behind in the mire
    You know I'm the one for you
    As we love across our modem wires

    Come on, be my baby, Brier
    Come on, be my baby, Brier
    Let me set your night on fire, yeah

    The time to hesitate is through
    Leave Zola behind in the mire
    You know I'm the one for you
    As we love across our modem wires

    Come on, be my baby, Brier
    Come on, be my baby, Brier
    Let me set your night on fire, yeah

    You know I know I hold your breasts for you
    But let me tell you something, Brier
    Now I want the rest of you
    Girl, it's time to get much higher

    Come on, be my baby, Brier
    Come on, be my baby, Brier
    Let me set your night on fire
    Let me set your night on fire
    Let me set your night on fire
    Let me set your night on fire

    THE TRANNIE IS A VAMP

    Written by C'lumby
    (To the tune of "The Lady is a Vamp" by the Spice Girls)

    Eddie was an edible rocker
    Riff and Mags moved on to Shocker
    He's a Trannie, kick some ass!
    Doctor Furter has no class!!
    Groupie Columbia set the pace
    Way back then she had the face

    That's all in the past
    Orgies made to last
    But he's built someone new
    A well-muscled hunk
    Made of earthen junk
    And he knows just who to do...

    Cos the Trannie's name is Frank
    He's a vixen, not a tramp
    He's a beep beep beep beep beep beep BEEP!!
    Brad an', Janet take your beds
    Cuz you ain't seen nothin' yet
    He's the top of the top
    He's the best
    YES!!!

    Frank and Rocky, horny love
    Riff Raff sings to the moon above
    Virgins used to be so clean
    'Til Frank showed them he was queen.

    That's all in the past
    Orgies made to last
    But he's built someone new
    A well-muscled hunk
    Made of earthen junk
    And he knows just who to do...

    Cos the Trannie's name is Frank
    He's a vixen, not a tramp
    He's a beep beep beep beep beep beep BEEP!!
    Brad an', Janet take your beds
    Cuz you ain't seen nothin' yet
    He's the top of the top
    He's the best
    YES!!!

    Frank did Rocky, Janet and Brad
    Columbia, Riff and Mags he had
    They're the cast list ready to go
    Asshole and sluts won't you please take your seats
    And we hope that you enjoy the SHO-O-O-O-OW

    [Janet giggles]
    [Frank: "Thank you very much."]

    LOVE MY CHRYSSY

    (To the tune of "Love Her Madly" by The Doors)

    Don't you love my Chryssy
    Want to give her kissies
    Don't you love C.K.
    Tell her she's O.K.
    Don't you love my Chryssy
    Want to give her kissies
    Don't you love C.K.
    Don't you love her out there in Saskatchewan
    Love her and the plane she rode in on
    Don't you love C.K.
    Tell her she's O.K.
    Don't you love her out there in Saskatchewan

    Oh, my love
    Oh, my love
    Oh, my love
    Oh, my love
    Oh, my love's out there
    I wish that she were here
    Right here in my arms
    She'd be safe from harm
    Happy, safe, and calm
    Yeah, don't you love her
    Don't you love her out there in Saskatchewan

    Oh, my love
    Oh, my love
    Oh, my love
    Yeah, oh, my love's out there
    I wish that she were here
    Right here in my arms
    She'd be safe from harm
    Happy, safe, and calm
    Well, don't you love my Chryssy
    Don't you love my Chryssy
    Don't you love my Chryssy

    LILY ST. CYR

    (To the tune of "Silly Love Songs" by Paul McCartney/Wings)

    You'd think that people would have seen enough of LilyStCyr
    But I talk to Larry and I see it isn't so
    Some people want to feel the bum of LilyStCyr
    And what's wrong with that
    We like her bum
    'Cause here it comes
    Again

    I love it... I love it...
    I can't explain
    Her fanny's plain to me
    Now can't you see
    I love it...
    Ah, I saw some more
    She danced in the floor show
    Now don't you know
    What's wrong with that
    I need to know
    'Cause here I go again
    I love it... I love it...

    Without her bum I can't bear it
    Seems like life isn't worth it all
    I only know that when I'm near it
    Gotta see Lily
    I gotta see Lily
    Gotta see LilyStCyr

    How can I tell you about your loved buns?
    How can I tell you about your loved buns?
    I love it...
    How can I tell you about your loved buns?
    I love it...
    How can I tell you about your loved buns?
    I love it... I love it...
    I can't explain
    Her fanny's plain to me
    Now can't you see
    I love it...
    Ah, I saw some more
    She danced in the floor show
    Now don't you know
    I love it...
    I can't explain
    Her fanny's plain to me
    Now can't you see
    How can I tell you about your loved buns?
    I love it...
    Ah, I saw some more
    She danced in the floor show
    Now don't you know
    How can I tell you about your loved buns?
    I love it...
    I can't explain
    Her fanny's plain to me
    Now can't you see
    How can I tell you about your loved buns?
    I love it...
    Ah, I saw some more
    She danced in the floor show
    Now don't you know
    How can I tell you about your loved buns?

    You'd think that people would have seen enough of LilyStCyr
    But I talk to Larry and I see it isn't so
    Oh no
    Some people want to feel the bum of LilyStCyr
    And what's wrong with that

    NICO CRUSH

    (To the tune of "Orange Crush" by R.E.M.)

    Follow her, let's follow her
    She's my mistress, I've got my Nico crush
    Collar her, let's collar her
    She's my mistress, I've got my Nico crush
    We are perverts, let's get down
    We've had our fun and now its time to
    Go to cons in Allentown (over me, get over me)
    Coming up fast, over me

    CULT OF JESTER'S VANITY

    Written by Jester
    (To the tune of "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour)

    Just join my cult, what will you see?
    Cult of Jester's Vanity
    I know your weirdness, I know your memes
    I've done every freak you want to see
    I'm the Cult of Jester's Vanity
    Like Frankenfurter does Sodomy
    I'm the Cult of Jester's Vanity
    Cult of Jester's Vanity
    Cult of Jester's Vanity

    With no hair, I need no dye
    The tripper speaks, the drugs they lie
    You don't have to massage me
    Only you can set me free
    I hide your glasses, you can't see
    I'm the big bald face on Web T.V.
    I'm the Cult of Jester's Vanity
    I recruit you still you love me

    I tell you 'bout the twenty three
    I'm the Cult of Jester's Vanity
    Like Kerry Thornley and Tim Leary!
    I'm the Cult of Jester's Vanity
    Cult of Jester's Vanity
    Cult of Jester's Vanity

    Eris loves fresh apple pies
    Cult leader posts some silly lies
    You don't have to follow me
    Only Fnord can set you free

    You gave me webspace
    I picked my name
    You me power in the Goddess' name
    I'm every wiseass you need to be
    I'm the Cult of Jester's Vanity

    THE BOB SHOW

    (To the tune of "The Dope Show" by Marilyn Manson)

    The drugs we take make us feel so alive
    In our dark dysfunctional world it helps us thrive
    It's cold and weird but still you don't need sorrow
    Live today, no thought for tomorrow

    We're all stars now in the Bob Show
    We're all stars now in the Bob Show

    There's a lot of Rocky Horror cons
    That make you party hard
    But nothing makes you harder than
    The devil who is known as Bob

    We're all stars now in the Bob Show
    We're all stars now in the Bob Show

    She loves you when you're under the covers
    When you're done then she wants another

    The drugs they say are made in California
    Come take a ride
    We'll really drown your sorrow
    It's cold and weird but that is all outside
    It's just today
    Where will you find yourself tomorrow?

    There's a lot of Rocky Horror cons
    That make you party hard
    But nothing makes you harder than
    The devil who is known as Bob

    She loves you when you're under the covers
    If you're no good she'll get another

    There's a lot of Rocky Horror cons
    That make you party hard
    But nothing makes you harder than
    The devil who is known as Bob, she is Bob

    We're all stars now in the Bob Show
    We're all stars now in the Bob Show

    SICK BITCHES

    (To the tune of "Two Princes" by Spin Doctors)

    The sick bitches stand before you
    That what I said now
    Bitches, bitches we adore you
    You want some head now?
    Quad has got an ass that's so nice
    That's no fiction
    Gilmer said once ain't enough do it twice
    It's an addiction

    Chryssy, her lingerie is reddish
    Her hair is red too
    Girlratt has got a crazy fetish
    She'll shave your head too
    You punish us, your servants will adore you
    How 'bout that now
    You punish us, your servants kneel before you
    Please use that cat now

    Punish us, punish me
    I'm the one that loves you bitches can't you see?
    Amy, Lily, Kitten DTV
    I know what a slave and servant ought to be
    I know what a slave and servant ought to be

    Said if you want to call me slavey
    I'll be your trick now
    And if you coat yourself with gravy
    I'll go and lick now
    And if you wanted to use your powers
    I will submit now
    And if you like to whip for hours
    Just go and hit now

    The sick bitches stand before you
    That what I said now
    Bitches, bitches we adore you
    You want some head now?
    Magsy's butt dance will make us laugh
    Pass the kegs now
    C'lumby said she wants to boff a giraffe
    They got long legs now

    Punish us, punish me
    I'm the one that loves you bitches can't you see?
    Oh Mistress Nico and Doc Trixie
    I know what a slave and servant ought to be
    I know what a slave and servant ought to be

    Said if you want to call me slavey
    I'll be your trick now
    And if you coat yourself with gravy
    I'll go and lick now
    And if you wanted to use your powers
    I will submit now
    And if you like to whip for hours
    Just go and hit now

    [Repeat and fade out]

    CARRIE THE GRINCH

    (Based on "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" by Doctor Seuss)

    All the Zenners in Zenville liked Christmas a lot
      But the Carrie Grinch with the green font did not
    "I'll take all their pages, their links and their plushes!
      They can't have a Christmas if all they're left is toothbrushes!"

    So Carrie the Grinch waited 'til the Zen was asleep
      And then she crept in, hardly making a peep
    She took the Zen vodka, drank it all and felt woozy
      And then she even stole away the Zenner's favorite Jacuzzi!
    She downloaded it all onto her PC's hard drive
      And then she sat back and laughed to see if Christmas could survive...

    But lo and behold, when the Zenners woke the next morn
      They didn't care about presents, because they still had gay porn!
    "I don't understand," muttered Carrie the Grinch,
      "How can they be singing, watching filth that makes ME flinch?"
    "I took their Zen plushes! I took their Zen hookas!
      I took their Zen thumpers and their Zen-doo-pa-lookas!"

    And the Carrie the Grinch thought that maybe she might
      Have had the wrong idea about Christmas night
    "Maybe Christmas is not about shopping in malls
      And great mental stress, and kicking's elf balls..."
    And then, well they say, in Zenville that day
      Carrie Grinch's preferences grew three sizes more gay
    And she brought back their presents, in her grinchy green car
      And then the Grinch, yes the Grinch, stuck porn in the VCR

    [In Boris Karloff voice]
    "You're a gay one, Carrie Grinch, you're a real raging dyke;
      You are munching mucho rugs and you know it's what you like, Carrie Gri-iii-INCH!!"

    IN YOUR FACE WITH A CASE (OF WHOOP ASS)

    (To the tune of "Fight For Your Right To Party" by the Beastie Boys)

    You log into the Zen and you get really bored
    You're shooting the breeze but you get ignored
    Talking on topic is too much work
    But you're a master (de)bater starting fights like a jerk

    I'm your face...
    With a case...
    Of whooooooooooooop ass!!

    You say it's unfair that you're not in the cast
    You hypocrite, you've just been outclassed
    Stop whining at home dressing in drag
    Stand on your own two feet, don't call me and nag

    I'm your face...
    With a case...
    Of whooooooooooooop ass!!

    Don't step up with this girl if thats the line your gonna say
    I'll kick your pansy boy ass any time of the day
    Your face busted up and you're such a mess
    Aw, man you shouldn't mess with the Quad Princess

    I'm your face...
    With a case...
    Of whooooooooooooop ass!!