Arthur's Songs & Other Text Files

I decided it would be a good idea to have one page listing all of my various writings; instead of leaving them scattered about on several different pages. This way, it's easy to see all of them at a glance; and if you're already familiar with my stuff in one genre, this gives you a chance to see if I'm just as good (or bad!) when I write in other areas. These stories, song parodies, and such are primarily in ASCII text format, as they were mostly created in the 1990s on UseNET (with the notable exception of this piece of ASCII art which was created a decade earlier on an Apple ][+). I have a separate page for binary files (old Windows icons, artwork, utilities).

Babylon 5
These are the songs I wrote while Babylon 5 was in its original run, and the songs do contain spoilers if you haven't watched the entire series yet. Rather than listing these songs in alphabetical order (as I do in all of the other sections of this page), I've put them in chronological order according to the Babylon 5 timeline, and listed after each song the earliest episode for which the song may be considered a spoiler. You can also check out my ASK THE MAGIC KOSH page – Just think of a question which you need to have answered, then click on the link to ask Kosh for an enigmatic answer.

Deathwalker ("Heartbreaker" – Pat Benatar) – Episode 109, Deathwalker

Super-Duper Great Machine of Epsilon Three ("Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" – Raye Don and Prince Hughie) – Episode 119, A Voice in the Wilderness, Part II

The One ("One" from "A Chorus Line") – Episode 120, Babylon Squared

Mister Morden ("Mr. Sandman" – The Chordettes) – Episode 209, The Coming of Shadows

Smacking Down the Narns ("Burning Down the House" - Talking Heads) – Episode 222, The Fall of Night

In the Psi Corps ("In the Navy" - Village People) – Episode 314, Ship of Tears

Turning Minbari ("Turning Japanese" - The Vapors) – Episode 317, War Without End, Part II

Will I Survive ("I Will Survive" - Gloria Gaynor) – Episode 322, Z'Ha'Dum

Springtime for Sheridan ("Springtime for Hitler" - Mel Brooks) – Episode 406, Into the Fire

Stayin' Alive on Babylon 5 ("Y.M.C.A." - Village People) – Episode 421, Rising Star

Cartoons (and Anime and Webcomics)
This section groups together a number of song parodies based on a variety of sources, both cartoons and comics. I gave them a category of their own rather than rolling them into the already huge miscellaneous section. Note that there are some songs and crossovers in the Cthulhu and Rocky Horror categories that are also related to cartoons that I didn't feel needed to be listed on this page multiple times (it's long enough!)

A Gay Homosexual ("Simply Irrestible" - Robert Palmer) – South Park

Big Gay Al ("You Can Call Me Al" - Paul Simon) – South Park

Bohemian Exodus ("Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen) – The Prince of Egypt

Chef ("Theme from 'Shaft'" - Isaac "Chef" Hayes) – South Park

City of Townsville ("Margaritaville" - Jimmy Buffett) – The Powerpuff Girls

Duel With The Rose Bride ("Walk On The Wild Side" - Lou Reed) – Shoujo Kakumei Utena

(I Wish They All Could Be) Powerpuff Girls ("California Girls" - Beach Boys) – The Powerpuff Girls

Lum ("Lump" - Presidents of the USA) – Urusei Yatsura

Miki ("Mickey" - Toni Basil) – Shoujo Kakumei Utena

Pig and Elephant DNA ("Everybody's Working for the Weekend" - Loverboy) – South Park

Ranma ("Lola" - The Kinks) – Ranma ½

Take Me Down ("Tear Me Down" - Steven Trask, from "Hedwig") – Ranma ½

South Park ("Love Shack" - B-52s) – South Park

Torg ("Lump" - Presidents of the USA) – Sluggy Freelance

Training Ground Jusenko ("Mexican Radio" - Wall of Voodoo) – Ranma ½

We Are NERV ("Be Our Guest" - Alan Menken and Howard Ashman) – Neon Genesis Evangelion

Wendy ("Rio" - Duran Duran) – South Park

Cthulhu / HP Lovecraft
That is not dead which can eternal lie; And with strange eons even death may die! My first exposure to HP Lovecraft were a couple of short stories I read in grade school (one was "The Outsider", I forget which the other was). My first exposure to Cthulhu was when I bought the original AD&D "Dieties and Demigods" back in 1982. (I gave it away when I quit AD&D; I didn't realize that book would become a collectors item since subsequent editions left the Cthulhu Mythos out.) While I was in college I played Chaosium's Call of Cthulhu role-playing game regularly; and when I moved to Maryland I had gotten hooked on Steve Jackson Games' Illuminati: New World Order (in which one of my favorite groups to play was "The Servants of Cthulhu"). I even have an elder sign tattoo on my back, just in case…
When I was attending Rhode Island College, I rewrote and completed for my Creative Writing class a Lovecraftian short story I'd started previously, called "The Blackness Over Burrillville." It was well-received, and the locations and characters (the human ones, at least) are all based on actual places and people I knew. (Another thing I wrote for that class was the poem "It's Not Just a Job"; It isn't related to the Cthulhu Mythos, but you might like it anyway.) Finally, one last non-song-parody link, here are a few things I wrote on alt.horror.cthulhu back in the 90s.

Cthulhu Fhtagn ("Hakuna Matata" from The Lion King)

Cthulhu-Maniacs ("Animaniacs!" theme song)

Glimpse of Cthulhu ("Spoonful of Sugar" - Richard and Robert Sherman)

Let Me Out Before You Go Mad ("Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" - Wham!)

The Stars Are Right ("The Age of Aquarius" from Hair)

'Twas the Call of Cthulhu ("'Twas the Night Before Christmas")

Walk Like A Deep One ("Walk Like An Eqyptian" - The Bangles)

Yes, Here Comes Great Cthulhu ("Yes We Have No Bananas" - Frank Silver and Irving Cohn)

Rocky Horror Picture Show / Shock Treatment
I have a separate page for Rocky Horror/Shock Treatment content, which has additional information and links which may be of interest. (I used to have separate pages for every category on this page, plus a few more; but I'm currently[2009] pruning these pages which haven't been touched in over a decade, and removing a lot of obsolete content – as well as most external links, since so many of them were no longer valid.) Anyway, as I did in the Cthulhu section above, I'll link to the non-song parodies first, then follow that with the list of parodies.
One time, when I was really ambitious, I wrote The Rocky Horror South Park Show which parodies the entire Rocky Horror movie (songs and dialog) by replacing all of the characters with characters from South Park (this was written way back during the first season). Unfortunatly, I was never motivated enough to complete the proposed sequel, South Park Treatment, nor did I ever complete The Rocky Horror Powerpuff Show (which crossed Rocky Horror with The Powerpuff Girls). Another project I did complete, however, was The Ranma Horror Kuno Show which parodied all of the songs and dialog from Rocky Horror but used characters from Ranma ½. Other crossovers which I wrote include Mary Popp-N-Furter (a Rocky Horror/Mary Poppins crossover sketch which my cast performed at the 25th Anniversary Rocky Horror Convention in Las Vegas in 2000 (with MP3s!) and School House Rocky: Interjections! which parodies the old Schoolhouse Rock song with pictures from Rocky Horror. Finally, there are a bunch of Top Ten Lists for Rocky Horror and Shock Treatment.

Bedthumper ("Tubthumper" - Chumbawumba)

Black Fishnets ("Blue Velvet" - Bobby Vincent)

Bother, Arthur ("Dammit, Janet" from "Rocky Horror")

The Castle at Frankie's ("Copa Cabana" - Barry Manilow)

Castle Transylvania ("Hotel California" - Eagles)

Come Time Warp ("Come Dancing" - The Kinks)

Denver, Denver ("Denton USA" from "Shock Treatment")

Divas in Vegas ("Viva Las Vegas" - Elvis)

Doctor Frankfurter ("Lady Madonna" - Lennon/McCartney)

Doctor Went Down To Denton ("The Devil Went Down To Georgia" - Charlie Daniels Band)

Don't You Want Me Janet ("Don't You Want Me" - Human League)

Dressin' Up Like Ritz ("Puttin' On The Ritz" - Irving Berlin)

Everybody Run... ("The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun" - Julie Brown)

Floorshow Blitz ("Ballroom Blitz" - Sweet)

Frank Took Them All Night Long ("You Shook Me All Night Long" - AC/DC)

Frankfurter's Castle ("Gilligan's Island" Theme Song)

The Frankie Bunch ("The Brady Bunch" Theme Song)

Frankie's Girl ("Jessie's Girl" - Rick Springfield)

He's Banging Brad ("It's Raining Men" - The Weather Girls)

Heartbreak Castle ("Heartbreak Castle" - Elvis)

Hi, My Name's Brad ("Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me)" - Reunion)

Homo Arigato, Doctor Frankfurter ("Mister Roboto" - Styx)

Hot for Creature ("Hot for Teacher" - Van Halen)

I Am The Very Model of a Modern Transylvanian (Gilbert & Sullivan's "...Modern Major General")

I Hate Myself For Loving Frank ("I Hate Myself For Loving You" - Joan Jett anf the Blackhearts)

(I Smell) Brad and Janet ("Sex and Candy" - Marcy Playground)

(I'm a) Sweet Tran ("Soul Man" - Sam & Dave)

I'm The Monster ("I'm Too Sexy" - Right Said Fred)

In The Rocky Show ("I Love Rock & Roll" - Joan Jett anf the Blackhearts)

It's Curry We Love ("You Can't Hurry Love" - Phil Collins) – The Temple of Tim anthem

Jerkin' Off ("Breakin' Out" from "Shock Treatment")

(A Little Ditty About) Brad and Janet ("Jack and Diane" - John Cougar Mellencamp)
Little Glass Bong /a ("Little Black Dress" from "Shock Treatment") >
Money For Farley ("Money for Nothing" - Dire Straits)

Moon Drenched Shores of Transylvania ("Strawberry Fields Forever" - Lennon/McCartney)

My Part Will Go On ("My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion)

Nell ("Hell" - Squirrel Nut Zippers)

One Night In Denton ("One Night in Bangkok" from the musical "Chess")

Only Rocky Horror ("Only Rock and Roll" - Rolling Stones)

O-S-C-A-R (To the tune of an old Oscar Mayer bologna commercial)

Raw Hind ("Rawhide" Theme Song)

Rocky Fan ("Rocket Man" - Elton John and Bernie Taupin)

The Rocky Freak Song (Monty Python's "The Lumberjack Song")

Rocky Girl ("Punk Rock Girl" - Dead Milkmen)

Sanity and Vanity ("Ebony and Ivory" - Paul McCartney)

See You 'Round Like a CD ("See You 'Round Like a Record" - Little Nell)

She Blinded Me With Sequins ("She Blinded Me With Science" - Thomas Dolby)

Sheena Is A Frank Furter ("Sheena Is A Punk Rocker" - The Ramones)

Springtime for Riff-Raff ("Springtime for Hitler" - Mel Brooks)

Super Poofta ("Super Trouper" - Abba)

Sweet Home Transylvania ("Sweet Home Alabama" - Lynyrd Skynyrd)

Theater Virgin ("Like a Virgin" - Madonna)

Touch Of Gray (The Sal Piro Song) ("Touch Of Grey" - Grateful Dead)

Towson, Maryland ("Denton USA" from "Shock Treatment")

Transvestite Paradise ("Gangsta's Paradise" - Coolio/"Amish Paradise" - Weird Al Yankovic)

Transylvanian Hillbillies ("Beverly Hillbillies" Theme Song)

Transylvanian Radio ("Mexican Radio" - Wall of Voodoo)

Transylvanians ("Animaniacs!" Theme Song)

Wake Me Up Before You Floorshow ("Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" - Wham!)

Walk Like A Transvestite ("Walk Like An Eqyptian" - The Bangles)

We Always Start A Flamewar ("We Didn't Start The Fire" - Billy Joel)

Werewolves of Denton ("Werewolves of London" - Warren Zevon)

You're a Hot Dog, Frank Furter ("Blister in the Sun" - Violent Femmes)

WAIT! WAIT! How could I have forgotten my DammitJa.net 404 page?!

Star Trek
Bajoran in the UFP ("Born in the USA" - Bruce Springsteen)

'Faced Oddity ("Space Oddity" - David Bowie) – About the USS Murgatroid – MP3!

Hey Dax ("Relax" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood)

It's a Deus (Ex Machina) ("Rock Me Amadeus" - Falco) – Spoiler for DS9 Sacrifice of Angels!

Seven of Nine ("Stayin' Alive" - BeeGees)

Spocky and the Brain ("Pinky and the Brain" theme song)

Springtime for Janeway ("Springtime for Hitler" - Mel Brooks)

A Starfleet Man ("A British Tar" from Gilbert & Sullivan's "H.M.S. Pinafore")

Star Trek XLVII (the "Black Adder" theme song)

USS Murgatroid Theme Song ("The Love Boat" - P. Williams and C. Fox) – About the USS Murgatroid – MP3!

Another USS Murgatroid Theme Song (The "Freakazoid!" theme song)

Other, Miscellaneous Filks
Addicted to Smeg ("Addicted to Love" - Robert Palmer) – Red Dwarf

Angry Grinch ("Angry Inch" - Steven Trask, from Hedwig and the Angry Inch)

Bidding on the Stock of Ebay ("Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" - Otis Redding)

Blood Tide ("Tongue Tied" - Danny John-Jules) – Blade II / Red Dwarf

The Buggery Song (Monty Python's "Money Song")

Caffeine ("Cocaine" - Eric Clapton)

Every Filk Is Sacred (Monty Python's "Every Sperm Is Sacred")

Exit Sandman ("Enter Sandman" - Metallica) – Logan's Run

Gamer ("Loser" - Beck)

Gathering Day ("Come Out And Play" - Offspring) – Highlander

Get Some Slack (Chez Geek) ("Paint It Black" - The Rolling Stones)

Girls Just Want To Munch Rug ("Girls Just Want To Have Fun" - Cyndi Lauper)

Hey, Dude ("Hey, Jude" - Paul McCartney) – Dude, Where's My Car?

History ("Yesterday" - Paul McCartney and John Lennon)

Hitchhiker Guy ("American Pie" - Don McClean) – Douglas Adams / Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I Like Caffeine ("I Like Chinese" - Eric Idle)

Intel Inside ("Devil Inside" - INXS)

(I See A Kettle And I Want To) Call It Black ("Paint It Black" - The Rolling Stones)

In My Killfile ("Under My Thumb" - The Rolling Stones)

It's Raining Thread ("It's Raining Men" - The Weather Girls) – DRAGONRIDERS OF PERN

I Wanna Piece Of Bacon ("I Wanna Be Sedated" - The Ramones) – The Atkins Diet

Life on a Battlestar ("Love is a Battlefield" - M. Chapman, B. Knight) – Battlestar Galactica

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha ("Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show") – The Brady Bunch

Old Gharlane ("Penny Lane" - Paul McCartney and John Lennon)-- "Doc" E.E. Smith's Lensman series

Only One (Kurgen's Other Theme) ("One" from "A Chorus Line") – Highlander

Revolution Number Nine ("Love Potion Number Nine" - The Searchers)

Ring Time for Sauron ("Springtime for Hitler" - Mel Brooks) – The Lord of the Rings

Salesman ("Soul Man" - Sam & Dave)

Science Fiction Girls ("California Girls" - Beach Boys)

Sit On A Happy Face ("Put On A Happy Face" - Lee Adams & Charlie Strouse)

Soylent Green ("Silent E" - Tom Lehrer)

Speed/Time Wizard ("Pinball Wizard" - The Who) – The Wizard of Speed and Time

Staring At Your Thingies ("Wrapped Around Your Finger" - The Police)

Sympathy for the Emperor ("Sympathy for the Devil" - Rolling Stones) – Star Wars

Twelve Days of Vodka ("Twelve Days of Christmas" - Traditional)